Fed up and frustrated Green has ended her long-term relationship with environment  and moved on.

We have all seen how Green used to jump out of bed and dance along on the promise of great things. There was a spring in her step and a focus on what needed to be done to better her man.

Green could look at Environment with that sense of knowing born of a lover’s pride.

But for some time now it seems that the buzz had gone. The relationship had clearly lost its spark and begun to disintegrate. The rumour is that it is all because Environment has let himself go. He has been binging to excess, giving in to his mining and agricultural mates, and failing miserably to be romantic.

Insiders say the whole relationship has become quite spiteful.

No longer able to tolerate the angry arguments over resource use and pollution, beaten down by endless rhetoric and false promises, tired of the need to put everything on the line, it’s ended. Yesterday, Green walked out.

Not one to linger, Green hit the clubs and was seen with her Mercedes owning nemesis we know as Economics. That slick Rick famed for drive, determination and dirt. Whilst there are numerous paparazzi photos that suggests they were more than chummy in wee hours, it seems that Green’s new beau is actually the trend setting global bachelor Climate.

This reporter has tried to get an interview with the happy couple without success, but sources close to Climate claim that it was his new-found warmth that has made him more attractive. More likely it is his inevitable breakup with live-in partner Change that tipped things in his favour. Whatever the reason, Green is smiling again and we wish her well.

Environment did not take our calls.